14/31

Giggling inappropriately in a prayer meeting. Comedy praying is always best. Oh and rediscovering this by the brilliant Stewart Henderson. I’m sure it’s a good thing that the talks I’m writing are making me cry.

For when our hearts weep glorious
relieved of all this miserable
Roll down canyons careless we
echoing with glee and goodness
Forming visions in the scampering dust
and skimming frisbees made of sun spots

For when our hearts weep glorious
weightless of all bitter slump
sparkling as a beach we all
then burrow through the sighing waves
to play see -saw with driftwood and shells

For when our hearts weep glorious
For when our hearts shout ‘what a hoot’
For when our hearts skip round and round
For when our hearts beat lots and more

Then there we race in radiance
and all these dreams are then and now
and after that there is no fade
For when our hearts swoop without fall
outshines all
the one who paid

13/31

Up early. Writing talks on hope. Realising that they are just the flip side of my talks on struggling and perseverance. Laughing at myself and that it was very me to write a talk on hope and talk lots about how rubbish this world is.  Increasing confidence in the brilliant hope we have. The joy of being productive again. Seeing growth and change in the work.

12/31

Spending most of the day pondering Hope. Sensible decisions. Home to housemates, chili, Black Books and wine. Mmmmm.

11/31

Sitting in the garden drinking beer and reading Life Together by Bonhoeffer with the Hollingbury crew. Deep thoughts and good chat.

10/31

Singing this: “I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene, and wonder how he could love me, a sinner condemned unclean.” Quite. Overwhelming wonder at that reality. Coming home to Lizzi and Cathy, beer and pizza outside on our back step.

9/31

Winning the fight to get the Bible out of the bag. Glad of the results. This song on the way home.

“Ring the bells that still can ring, forget your perfect offering, there is a crack, a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.” (Leonard Cohen: Anthem)

Chatting about God in the sunshine. Reading over old e-mails from my Brother. Glad of his answer to an age old question of mine:

Qu: “What does God really think of me/us/the church?”- Answer: He loves you, He loves us. He loves the church. Christ died for you, he died for us, he died for the church so we would be his perfect bride.”

It’s as simple and as beautiful as that. Sitting on the back step tonight with a beer mulling on it all with the One who loves me most. Bliss.

8/31

Running on a open sandy Hove beach early in the morning, the sun sparkling off the sea, the ocean making it’s nifty little swishing sound, the cheery hello’s to other people on the beach and the knowledge that each morning the mercies are new. As new, bright and shiny as the sun as it rises and the smooth sand of the beach as the waves erase the mess of the night before. And talking to my Anna tonight on the phone, about everything, nothing, little things, big things and loving being known.

7/31

Getting to hear the wisdom of someone whose been in this kind of work a whole lot longer than I. Encouraged and warned. Wanting to get on and really live. And the soundtrack of my cycle back from the station in the evening sunshine:

“You give me so much love that it blows my brains out

Summer rain, dripping down your face again

Summer rain, praying someone feels the same

Take the pain killer, cycle on your bicycle

Leave all this misery behind”

6/31

Breakfast on our back step in the sunshine. Lunch in a similar fashion.  The walk of destiny at Chichester’s last CU meeting. All we do is incomplete. One day we will be home. Damien Rice being the perfect accompaniment driving back tonight.

5/31

Relief that I’m not really that mental after all. Enjoying the sunshine and exercise kick this morning. Binface, B, Brighton beach and pretty singing. The first shakeaway of the year. Nutella and malted milk biscuits. Mmmm.